It’s the holiday season and we had a Secret Santa draw last week that has resulted in a big boom in business for Archies stores. W+K Delhi has been flooded with tons of cheap trinkets, teddy bears and 10 rupee chocolate bars. Here’s the pick of the lot.
Abhineet ‘Mozzo’ Singh
Born 9th October.
Do you want to do a serious interview or a retarded interview?
It’s going to be tough though I’m going to come at you from all angles you sure you’re up for it?
Yeah yeah man go for it
You were born 9th October. That’s a Libra, isn’t it?
That’s all a buncha bullshit dude
Probably. But you asked for the retarded version remember?
Yeah I guess so. I don’t know man. I use it with chicks sometimes. They dig this astrology stuff.
Would you ever date a girl with a wooden leg?
…(pause).. yeah sure…and then if she got on my nerves I could club her with it. Ha Ha.
Would you lacquer it for her?
Yeah man… make her look good …yeah
I once got beat up by these two chicks. I was at a rock concert at Milwaukee… like I was super drunk man and …uhm… I remember getting one of those really huge bottles of Coke…and…I catch this snatch of conversation where this chick goes: “Fine, so call me a slut”. So I turn around and call her “Slut!” and…uhm… next thing I know I was getting beat up by these chicks…it was cool…and then some guy I don’t know who…came and picked me up by my belt and like, threw me over the turnstile…
…and then there was this time when I woke up in full scuba gear. See, I don’t know if this happens to you. Autopilot. Whenever I drink tequila I go into autopilot mode. The plane flies but I don’t know who’s flyin it, knowwhatImean? Yeah…so… I had a lot of tequila this one time and I guess I thought it’d be cool to play with foam, so as I learnt the next day, me and my buds we went and grabbed all these fire extinguishers and sprayed them all over the lawn… I don’t remember how I got into the scuba suit…I don’t know man…
What’s your retreat? Your happy place? The place you go to when things get fucked up.
I take a dump man. I find that’s the only place where I’m totally alone with myself.
Do you remember your dreams?
No, man…(thinks for a bit)…although sometimes I get this dream where I’m just falling…
Everybody has those
…yeah I guess so…
Yet to come
Pizza Hut at University
Did you ever have to clean up vomit?
No, luckily. I’ve cleaned up my own though, lotsa times.
Do you have an indulgence?
That’s a Surdie stereotype isn’t it?
Yeah (laughs) I guess…
Sardars (people from the Sikh community) are one of our favourite people at W+K. What’s the one stereotype about Surds that you think is totally true.
That they’re not veggie… (continues)… but you know… about surd jokes…how this whole baara baj gaye thing started?
Well…it’s to do with guerilla fighting dude. These guys are like, fearsome warriors, and they always attacked camps at 12 midnight, so that’s how it started ‘Sardarjee ke baara baj gaye’
There’s this radio show called Desert Island Discs in the UK. The format is simple: each week a guest is invited to choose the 5 records they would take with them to a deserted island. They also choose a favourite book and a luxury which must be inanimate and have no practical use. Let’s do a Desert Island thing here, what do you say?
So what’d your one book be?
The Encyclopaedia Of Surgery. It’s a medical book. Like really fat. And it teaches you how to perform surgery. I always wanted to read it. And …uhm…I could also use it as a pillow. And if I broke my knee I could refer to it and fix it.
But wouldn’t you need to understand all that medical mumbo-jumbo? Surely, they wouldn’t refer to kneecap as just ‘kneecap’…probably like metacarpotarsasal joint or some stuff like that. How would you figure it out?
Well… I dunno…maybe a more layman’s book then.
The one luxury item
Movie theater popcorn machine
The five records
Laundromat Blues- Albert King
Viva La Vida- Coldplay
Wouldn’t it be nice- Beach Boys
Punjabiyan di Shaan- Bally Sagoo
Moongphulli (roasted peanuts) from the street
300/ The Usual Suspects
Favourite comic book character
Batman? I don’t know man…I used to read a lot of Phantom. I think they should revive the Phantom.
What’s the next big thing?
EQ in video games…
How does it work?
See, it’s like now there’s this clear line between the virtual world and the real world. In the virtual world, we all have these different avatars we put on, like so many different personalities… they’re all aspirational… who we want to be. I think with EQ in video games that line will disappear…you with me?
There’s this TED video you’ve got to see…it explains it better… I’ll send you the link
If someone made you king for a day, what would you do?
(Completely thrown by the question, confused…)
…King…wow…I don’t know dude… maybe get my own harem
…urm..yeah… or maybe I’d just watch Scarface (with a little more conviction)…yeah I’d watch Scarface
You have all the power in the world, unimaginable wealth, you can change policies, have people bumped off, commission banned medical research, travel into space, wage war and you would sit and watch Scarface?
(even more confused) Lemme think for a bit. (Thinks for a bit). I know what I’d do. I’d bring back gladiators, like in Rome. It’d be like the biggest party and in the centre of it all there’d be dudes fighting lions and two-headed jackals and shit…
Wow. That’s something. Two-headed jackals. You realize, of course, that you’ll have to push the boundaries of medical science to develop a two-headed jackal? Maybe a wait of some 10-15 years in development.
Yeah, but it’d be cool though.
Abhineet Singh is a Strategic Planner at W+K Delhi
I voted for them.
I jump traffic lights.
I bribe traffic cops.
I don’t care about my neighbour.
I ignore dying farmers.
I jump queues.
I ask politicians for favours.
I watch hysterical TV reporters 24/7.
I waste water.
I get upset when terrorists get too close to me.
I blame everybody else.
I am an idiot.